


If You Don't Do It You'll Lose

by UngratefulSatisfaction



Series: Gnosis of Self [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, Drinking, Drinking Games, M/M, Mom Taeyong, More Angst than originally intended, Rare Pairings, cursing, look they're just paying rock paper scissors but it got a little serious and gay, some internalized homophobia, somebody is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 07:51:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14666628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UngratefulSatisfaction/pseuds/UngratefulSatisfaction
Summary: The adults of NCT get together and drink and play games. Game of choice is truth or dare. What follows is a somewhat crack-ish discussion of intimate stuff between guys friends while they drink (everyone is of legal Korean drinking age), featuring fun with languages and a few surprise gay members. It briefly gets a bit angsty, but it's mostly laughs and inappropriate jokes.---“I dare Mark to make-out with Taeil Hyung.”“It’s just a joke, right Hyung?” Mark asks.“It is if you want to take two shots,” Yuta teases.“Shit,” Mark whispers. Everyone knows he doesn’t hold his liquor well. His eyes go between Taeil and the shot glasses.“Quick maths,” Johnny says in English. “If you take the shots you’re going to be shitfaced. Like, probably double the legal driving limit.”---Is now part of a series! Or you can just read it on its own if you want.





	If You Don't Do It You'll Lose

**Author's Note:**

> since this involves drinking and kissing etc., disclaimer:  
> the boys consented to the game and its stipulations, and even in the moments where they really didn't want to do something and faced penalty for disagreeing, they all respect each other enough to recognize hard limits and the like. i.e. if Mark was really so against kissing Taeil, knowing he couldn't take the drinking penalty, he would have explained it and the others would have let him pass. Because they're bros and bros don't force each other to do non-con/dub-con type stuff.
> 
> also italicized denotes them speaking in not-Korean during dialogue. But outside of dialogue its just means emphasis etc.

“Renjunnie is old enough, right?” Mark asks Taeyong in hushed tones. Mark is under the guise of helping him wash dishes in order to talk inconspicuously. 

“Umm,” Taeyong hums. He remembers the birthday party they held for him last week. “Yeah, he’s nineteen now.”

“So…?” Early April means Renjun’s birthday has passed and Jeno isn’t quite there yet. “What about Jeno?”

“No,” Taeyong says shaking his head. “He’s not old enough yet.” It’s hardly a few weeks, but Mark doesn’t argue. 

“I’ll tell Renjunnie,” Mark says. “But _low-key_ so the other kids don’t know.”

 _“Low-key?”_ Taeyong asks. Mark tries to explain in Korean. “And you’re also a kid.”

“Hyung,” Mark whines. He abandons him at the sink to go find Renjun. 

The Chinese member is sitting in the living room with the other Dream kids and Doyoung, flipping bottles. “Let me try,” Mark says sitting down beside Renjun. Chenle passes him the bottle and they go around for a bit. “Oh, Renjun, Taeyong Hyung wanted help cleaning up.”

“Can't we make Jisunggie do it?” Renjun asks. Jeno is leaning on his shoulder and Mark does feel bad about asking him to stand up. Jisung pretends to not hear.

“Can’t you do what your Hyung says?” Doyoung asks lightly. He’s smiling so none of them take it badly. Mark notices the glint in Doyoung’s eyes, like he's aware of what Mark is doing.

“Of course,” Renjun says politely. “Sorry, Mark Hyung.”

“No problem.” He stands up and Renjun follows.

Back in the kitchen, Taeyong is finishing up and Renjun is confused. “Hyung, do you want to tell him, or should I try to explain it.”

“Yuta would be better,” Taeyong admits. He’s speaking seriously and Renjun’s anxiety suddenly spikes. What could this possibly be?

“I’ll do it,” Mark mutters. He checks out the door way to see if anybody is paying attention to them. The kids are still focused on the water bottle and the others are in another room. “So, you’re an adult now,” Mark says in his accent trying to look cool.

“Yeah?” Renjun is giving him an amused smile, but he’s still nervous.

“So, you get to participate in adult stuff with the group now.”

“Adult stuff?”

“Yeah. Like adult games and stuff. Look, when we put the kids to bed, we’ll come back to 127’s dorm with Doyoung Hyung.”

“For adult games,” Renjun repeats with a smile. 

“If you want,” Taeyong says. “He’s making it sound dirtier than it normally is.” Renjun giggles.

“Yeah, sure.”

“But keep it _low-key_ ,” Mark says. Renjun nods, laughs, and then goes back to the kids.

“Very smooth,” Yuta says poking his head into the doorway. Mark and Taeyong startle. “I was outside listening making sure the kids didn’t notice.”

“It’s late,” Taeyong says before attacking a spot he missed on the counter. 

“I’ll gather everyone,” Yuta says with a devilish smile. Mark goes to send the kids home.

 

The kids were sent home under Doyoung’s watchful eye. There was a little dispute from the younger kids when Doyoung said he was taking Mark _and_ Renjun back, but Doyoung is good at sweet talking. Renjun doesn’t say anything on the way back, but he's practically vibrating in anticipation. 

In the 127 dorm, everyone else is already in a circle in the main room. “Renjun!” Yukhei screams as they’re entering. Renjun greets him with an embarrassed smile. “Alcohol?” He questions holding up his drink. Renjun looks at one of the older members—any of the older members who has more say than Yukhei. Yukhei grabs his hand as he walks by and pulls him to sit between him and Sicheng. Jaehyun, on the other side of Sicheng, hands Renjun a drink. Mark finds a spot between Ten and Taeyong.

There are various muttered conversations and Renjun feels out of his element. He’s comfortable enough with all his hyungs, but this is his first time really drinking with them. This is probably what Mark meant by adult games. Alcohol and playing any number of Korean drinking games.

“Okay, everyone,” Yuta calls. Everyone stops talking and listens. “So, same game as last time?”

“Which game?” Taeil asks.

“The one Youngho Hyung suggested.” A few of them still look confused.

“Okay, so like,” Johnny begins. “Rock paper scissors, but whoever is second to last gets to ask whoever is last any question they want. And you have to answer truthfully.”

“Yeah, otherwise it’s no fun,” Yuta says.

 _“What type of questions do they mean?”_ Renjun asks Sicheng in Mandarin. He’s pretty sure this isn’t a normal Korean drinking game.

 _“Usually it’s sexual stuff,”_ Sicheng responds. _“But you can ask whatever. If you don’t want to answer a question, take a shot.”_ Renjun notices a couple of shot glasses by Taeyong. He decides to not drink unless he has to. _“The soju for the shots is stronger than the drink Jaehyun gave you.”_

“Okay.” Now he’s even more nervous, but Yuta is already calling.

“If you don’t do it you’ll lose~” Yuta calls and everyone shows their pick. In a few rounds, it’s down to Johnny, Yuta, Yukhei, Taeyong, and Doyoung. Renjun is glad to have not lost in the first round because he’s still very nervous. Yukhei has a hand on his knee, but the gesture isn’t as comforting as usual.

“Ohhhhhhh,” Yuta calls. “Johnny and Doyoung!” Renjun looks between them. He missed the last rounds. 

_“Johnny-ge got second to last,”_ Sicheng whispers to him. _“So, he gets to ask Doyoung-ge anything.”_ Johnny wears a calculated expression paired with a smirk. He types some things on his phone. Across the circle Renjun catches a glimpse of a translating app they all use. Perhaps his Korean doesn’t cover dirty vocabulary.

“Doyoung-ah,” Johnny says lecherously. Doyoung is smiling innocently.

“Yes?”

“Have you ever gotten head?” 

There’re the usual reactions whenever someone says something cringey. Yukhei’s raucous laugh cuts over it, and he slaps Renjun’s knee. Renjun only laughs lightly. He recognizes that phrase from middle school, even in Korean. Sicheng asks for translation and Renjun manages to explain it, and then Renjun passes it on to Yukhei who tells Kun on the other side of him.

All eyes are on Doyoung as the laughter quiets. “Hmm,” Doyoung hums. He bites his lip and Renjun’s anticipation grows. “A few times,” Doyoung admits, tone still innocent.

“Damn,” Johnny says with a whistle. “Girls or guys?” Renjun is shocked. He never expected guys to be a part of the equation like that. 

“I’ll have to lose again for that answer,” Doyoung says cheekily. He looks perfectly fine, but Renjun is blushing. Suddenly Yuta is calling for the next round. Doyoung loses again, this time to Renjun.

He was worried the whole time that he would have to answer questions, he didn’t have time to worry about asking a question. “Um…”

“Ask him the follow up question,” Johnny stage-whispers. Renjun giggles. It’s an easy out; he won’t complain.

“Doyoung Hyung, have guys or girls given you head?” Renjun works hard not to stutter and Doyoung gives him an encouraging smile. 

“Both,” Doyoung says. He doesn’t understand how he can sound so confident, but it gets everyone to laugh again. 

The next round goes. Renjun was in the last couple of combinations, but it ends with Yukhei and Yuta. 

“Xuxi,” Yuta draws out. “Would you ever give someone head?” 

“I…” He stops and looks to Renjun. _“Is it the same for either gender or do I have to specify guys or girls?”_

 _“Why are you even asking that?”_ Sicheng asks trying not to laugh.

“It’s the same,” Renjun says.

“ _Ah, okay_.” Yukhei looks to Yuta and says, “I have given before.”

“Guys or girls?” Johnny asks. From the expression on his face, he thinks he already knows the answer. Renjun, Sicheng, and Kun are already dying from laughter.

“Both,” Yukhei says. 

“Seriously?” Not the answer Johnny was expecting. Renjun rolls his eyes. Receiving from either isn’t a big deal but giving apparently is.

“Next round, next round,” Ten says.

“If you don’t do it, you’ll lose~”

Mark loses to Taeil. “ _Oh man_ ,” Mark says.

“Mark Lee,” Taeil says trying to emulate his accent. “If you had to choose someone here to make-out with, who would it be?” 

There’s silence. Clearly there hasn’t been a question like this before, talking about each other. Mark nudges Taeyong, “Can I have a shot please?” 

“Ah, you’re no fun,” Taeil says. Taeyong pours a shot and Mark takes it. He grimaces at the taste and everyone laughs at him. Renjun admits he was kind of curious. 

“Wait, guys,” Yuta says. “Can we change the rules?”

“Sure,” Johnny says. Nobody dissents.

“Can we do dares, too? Like truth or dare?” Everyone assents. “And if you refuse a dare, it’s a double shot.”

“Call,” they all say. Honestly, they should know better than to give Yuta something he wants. 

“Okay, If you don’t do it, you’ll lose~” Yuta sings. 

Ten and Kun lose. “Kun, do some aegyo for us.” Kun rolls his eyes but successfully acts cute for everyone’s amusement. It’s refreshing from the dirty stuff.

They go another round. This time Mark loses again. He looks mortified as he realizes Yuta gets to ask or dare. 

“Do you want a dare?” Yuta asks.

“No,” Mark says futilely. 

“Well since Taeillie Hyung was so interested in who Mark wanted to make-out with,” Yuta’s smile reminds Renjun of a cat. Mark’s eyes go wide. “I dare Mark to make-out with Taeil Hyung.”

 _“Oh my god,”_ Ten says before they all start laughing. 

“It’s just a joke, right Hyung?” Mark asks. Taeil is covering his face and his shoulders shake with laughter.

“It is if you want to take two shots,” Yuta teases.

 _“Shit,”_ Mark whispers. It's common knowledge he doesn’t hold his liquor well. His eyes go between Taeil and the shot glasses. 

_“Quick maths,”_ Johnny says in English. _“If you take the shots you’re going to be shitfaced. Like, probably double the legal driving limit.”_

 _“American limit?”_ Mark asks meekly.

 _“Canadian and American limits are the same,_ idiot.” Mark sighs. A couple of the other members understood part of the exchange and seem to side with Johnny, if only to watch Mark be embarrassed. Taeil is watching Mark with a mixed expression, part amusement and part anxiety.

“Go for it,” Jaehyun says. “You can’t get too drunk at the beginning of the game. It’s been ten minutes.”

“Yeah, kiss him. It means nothing,” Doyoung says. “Just love between a Hyung and his Dongsaeng.”

“Don’t make it weird,” Mark whines.

“Uh-uh, the dare was make-out, not just kiss,” Yuta says. “That’s at least—what, ten seconds? And moving lips too, none of that statue stuff.” Johnny nods along with a smile. Taeil sits in between them blushing furiously.

“Mark-yah,” Taeil whispers. “It means nothing, lets just get this over with.” 

“Hey, what if Taeil Hyung doesn’t want this either?” Mark asks. “He didn’t lose. Why is he punished, too?”

“He can pass the next time he loses,” Yuta suggests. The new rule is accepted in without dissent. Mark throws his head back and groans.

“Why are my Hyungs so weird?” He asks the ceiling. 

“Shut up and come here,” Taeil says. It elicits some snickers. 

“Looks like Taeil does want it,” Johnny teases. The eldest member rolls his eyes, but he’s still smiling good naturedly. “Come on Mark, don’t make him move for you.” Mark sighs and stands up. The others cheer him on salaciously as he crosses Ten and Johnny. 

Mark hesitantly sits in front of Taeil. There’s no point backing out. Last time they played, they agreed on double if someone teased and then backed out. He’s here, so if he stops now Yuta will definitely call him a tease and that would be _four_ shots.

“Taeillie Hyung, make sure to take care of him,” Ten jokes. Mark wants to choke himself on his own embarrassment. But Taeil leans forward and tilts his head to the side. Mark takes a deep breath and tries to picture the last hot girl he made-out with.

Renjun watches with morbid curiosity. He can’t see much because they’re on the opposite side of the circle from him. But he can see that they do as they have to, moving lips on occasion as Yuta and Johnny count. Mark looks tense and both of them keep their hands to themselves. 

“Ten!” Yuta shouts gleefully. Mark immediately pulls away and Taeil laughs. Taeil takes a sip of his drink and Mark goes back to his seat, ears red and eyes down.

“Next round,” Jaehyun calls. He’s leaning against Sicheng and swirling his drink in his cup.

“If you don’t do it you’ll lose~”

Renjun can tell everyone is a bit more afraid in this round now that dares like kissing each other are on the table. Taeyong and Sicheng lose. 

_“Oh, Taeyong-ge never gets asked questions,”_ Kun whispers to Renjun. 

“Can we make dares about alcohol?” Sicheng asks. Nobody says anything against it.

“Sure,” Johnny says.

“Taeyong Hyung, what’s the farthest you’ve gone with someone?”

“Why would you ask about the alcohol then?” Jaehyun asks. Sicheng shrugs.

“Um,” Taeyong looks bashful. “Kissing?”

“Tongue or no tongue?” Johnny asks. 

“Tongue,” Taeyong says. Everyone is silent for a moment. 

“Really?” Jungwoo asks. “Lucas is over here talking about sucking dick and all Hyung has done is kiss?” Everyone laughs and Taeyong’s cheeks redden.

“Yah, what about you?” Ten asks. Jungwoo laughs it off. 

“ _He also hasn’t answered a lot of questions_ ,” Kun tells Renjun. 

“You’ll have to win against me first,” Jungwoo provokes.

“Okay. If you don’t do it you’ll lose~”

Yuta wins against Johnny. “Aish, he’s going to make me kiss someone,” Johnny says rolling his eyes. 

“Yeah,” Yuta says easily. “But I’ll let you pick.”

“Nope. I’ll take the shots.”

“You’re no fun…” Yuta says pouting. “Fine.” He quickly looks around. “Jungwoo-ie.” Johnny considers if he wants to get tipsy already.

“Okay. Whatever.” Johnny looks at Jungwoo, who’s giggling into his hand. He’s so sweet and pure, Johnny does feel weird about kissing him, but this is where his life is right now. He gestures Jungwoo to him.

“I won’t make a big fuss like Mark did,” Jungwoo says quietly as he pads over to Johnny. Mark sighs and everyone laughs at him. 

Jungwoo sits down in front of Johnny and gives him an innocent smile that looks anything but. “Hyung can lead,” Jungwoo says sweetly. Johnny sighs. Kissing him didn’t sound so bad compared to the shots, but now actually confronted with the prospect has him nervous.

“Alright.” Johnny grabs him by the back of the neck and roughly pulls him forward. That always been the solution to gushy stuff. Manly, aggressive affection.

He swears to god Jungwoo moans against his lips, but he’s not sure. But they are soft and he’s moving them purposefully. Johnny’s teeth graze against Jungwoo’s lower lip by accident, but then Jungwoo seems to try and repeat the action. Fuck, why is he being so in to it?

It’s not a question anyone else has, though. From the outside it just looks like Jungwoo being weird and the both of them trying to get it over with quicker. “Why does Yuta Hyung like watching his members kiss?” Renjun asks. 

“The reaction is the point, not the actual kissing,” Yuta responds. “Oh, it’s been ten seconds, guys.” Johnny pulls away breathless and tries not to show it. Jungwoo licks his lips and returns to his spot. He casually leans on Doyoung’s shoulder.

“Someone make Yuta lose so he has to make-out with someone,” Taeyong says. Everyone nods to each other. If it’s anything NCT has, it’s teamwork to make one of their own suffer.

Yuta gloriously loses to Renjun of all people. Renjun wonders if he should get better at this game, or if rock paper scissors is even something he can get better at. “So who is it?” Yuta drawls confidently. Despite the façade, his fingers fidget on the floor.

“Before you choose,” Mark says. “Make the dare worse. Make him suffer.”

“How?” Renjun asks. He looks around the group for suggestions.

“Tongue!” Yukhei says excitedly. 

“Twenty seconds,” Ten says.

“Sit in his lap during it,” Doyoung says. “Embrace,” he adds greasily.

“Okay, all of that,” Renjun says. Yuta looks at the ceiling trying to conceal the color on his cheeks.

“Fine, fine,” Yuta mutters. “And I think you are all forgetting that someone has to suffer with me.” He said the last part like revenge.

Everyone is silent. “Shit, he’s right,” Ten says. They all look at Renjun inquisitively. He holds everyone’s fate in his hands and he starts running through scenarios.

Johnny, Mark, Taeil, and Jungwoo are automatically out. They’ve already suffered. He honestly doesn’t want to think about Yukhei kissing anyone with what he’s already learned about him today. Taeyong is too innocent for this. Ten is possible, but Renjun would feel bad about choosing him. Same with Kun, Sicheng, and Jaehyun. Doyoung…? No. Even though Renjun knows he isn’t innocent, he still looks too pure for this. Renjun sighs.

“I’ll sacrifice myself,” Renjun mutters. 

“No,” Taeyong says without conviction. He might not want to see the maknae suffer, but he also won’t offer himself up. “You don’t have to.” 

“The kid can make his own decision,” Ten says. He sounds like he’s aware of just how close he was to the edge. 

“He is an adult now,” Mark says. “You can stop calling him a kid.”

“Stop talking about this,” Yuta says. His fidgeting is worse and Renjun crosses over to him. Taeil gives him a reassuring smile as Renjun sits. Up close he can smell the lingering scent of cooked pork from when Johnny spilled some on Yuta during dinner but also the sweet cologne he usually wears. His mouth goes dry but there is a tinge of excitement in his heart.

“How does Hyung want to…?” Renjun asks. He avoids looking at him. 

“I’m taller than you so I’m topping,” Yuta says. He holds his arms open and Renjun cautiously climbs onto his lap. 

They’ve all sat on each other’s laps plenty of times before this, but now it’s inherently sexual. Renjun straddles Yuta’s hips and continues to avoid his gaze. Yuta mutters something in Japanese. “Go easy on me, okay Hyung?” Renjun asks audaciously. Yuta frowns, his pride still potent. They lean towards each other, one of Yuta’s hands on his neck pulling him down.

Vaguely in the background, Renjun hears counting. The second after their lips connected, Yuta slides his tongue in. He remembers the embracing part and wraps his arms around Yuta’s shoulders. Yuta’s free hand grips him hard on his hip, making him gasp. Yuta swallows it and runs his tongue across the roof of Renjun’s mouth.

It’s so easy to fake tongue kissing. Nobody watching them would be able to tell if there was a tongue in anyone’s mouth, but Yuta is being _thorough_. Renjun can’t remember the last time he was kissed like this—if ever. Yuta wraps his tongue around Renjun’s before retreating, like a request. Renjun feels lightheaded and he chases after Yuta.

_Fifteen, sixteen…_

Yuta’s thumb is stroking the side of his neck as Renjun licks around his mouth. It’s just a game. A dare. He wanted to be a martyr, yet he feels like Yuta is still winning right now. He decides against the tongue kissing and kisses him normally. Yuta is a bit shocked, but not as nearly surprised as when Renjun bites on his lower lip _hard_.

“Twenty,” Johnny calls as Yuta curses. He pushes Renjun off his lap. He licks over his wound repeatedly, wiping away the light bleeding. Renjun laughs, his calves still draped over Yuta’s legs.

“You fucking bit me,” Yuta says sounding hurt.

“Well deserved,” Johnny says. Yuta shoves Renjun’s legs off him. Renjun heads back to his seat. 

_“Intense,”_ Yukhei says with a laugh.

 _“He’s a really good kisser,”_ Renjun admits. The other Chinese members laugh at him. 

“You’re so weird,” Sicheng says. 

“Also, Yuta Hyung definitely has a hard-on,” Doyoung says. Everyone’s eyes go to see the obvious hard-on showing through his joggers. 

“Shut up,” Yuta whines. Then everyone’s eyes go to Renjun. Nothing too conspicuous.

“Alright, I vote on banning kiss dares,” Taeyong says. 

“Nah,” Doyoung says looking in to his almost empty cup. That surprises everyone. Jungwoo, Yukhei, Sicheng, and surprisingly Yuta, side with him. Kiss dares live on.

There’s a moment of silence. “If you don’t…” Johnny starts. Everyone throws their choice. It takes less time than the last few, ending with Jaehyun and Kun.

“What’s your most embarrassing sexual fantasy?” Kun asks reading off his phone screen. Jaehyun can’t help laughing from the embarrassment, but he considers the question.

“Showing off?” Jaehyun muses. “Like getting off, but having people watch. Not necessarily touching, but just watching.” There’s silence for a moment.

“Well,” Doyoung says. “You have twelve guys watching you right now.”

 _“Oh my goooood,”_ Mark draws out as everyone laughs. Renjun wonders how much Doyoung has been drinking. His face looks flushed and his tongue is loose.

“Kidding,” Doyoung says. Renjun gets a feeling that he wasn’t entirely joking.

“If you don’t do it you’ll lose~”

Jungwoo and Yukhei. “Jungwoo Hyung, how far have you gone with someone?” Yukhei asks. Jungwoo rolls his eyes from the unoriginality.

“Everything but sex,” Jungwoo says.

“Everything…?” Ten asks.

“Mmhm,” Jungwoo hums like they’re talking about favorite food.

“Like what?”

“Use your imagination, Hyung.” A few of the members exchange looks. Since when was Jungwoo so saucy? Renjun doesn’t think he’s had a lot to drink.

“If you don’t…”

Yuta and Mark. _“Poetic irony,”_ Mark says sounding satisfied. 

“Okay, but you’re still a bigger pussy than Renjun,” Yuta says. “Cause I know you aren’t going to ‘take one for the team’.”

“Yuta,” Taeyong says reproachfully. 

“What’s the shortest time you took to come for someone?” Mark asks confidently. They’re all a bit shocked by the tone, but Yuta is frowning.

“You’re an awful liar. Don’t even think about it,” Doyoung says. Renjun doesn’t think he has enough of his wit to tell if Yuta is lying about the color of the sky at this point. Jungwoo takes his cup away from him and gets him a bottle of water.

“I’m going to guess a minute,” Sicheng says.

“Probably still had his pants on,” Ten jokes. Except, Yuta’s face reveals those guesses to be true. 

“Shut up,” Yuta mutters. They laugh at him and Renjun sees that Yuta is still noticeably hard. Is it just because of the conversation? Or something else…?

The next round ends with Sicheng and Ten.

“Do we still have whip cream?” Ten asks.

“What are…” Sicheng trails off unsure as Mark goes to search for the whip cream.

“We also have chocolate syrup,” Mark calls from the kitchen.

“Oh, bring that too,” Ten says. Mark returns.

“Did you guys have ice cream without us?” Renjun teases.

“Yeah,” Taeyong admits. “If you want, I can buy you ice cream later.” He’s so sweet.

“Thanks, but I’m not actually offended, Hyung.” 

“Okay, it’s going to get spicy. Sorry Taeyong Hyung, but it might be a bit messy,” Ten says. Everyone waits with anticipation and Taeyong looks unsettled. “Pour some of this on Sicheng’s neck and have someone like, lick it off.”

“No, that’s going to make a mess,” Taeyong says.

“That sounds like a great idea,” Doyoung says. “Ten out ten.” He laughs like he’s funny and Taeyong presses his lips in a line.

“Let’s not,” Sicheng says grimacing.

“Doyoung-ah, you’re nominated then,” Ten says. He tosses the whip cream and chocolate syrup to Doyoung. He misses them, and they fall into his lap. Doyoung giggles.

“Okay,” Doyoung says.

“Hyung, let’s not,” Sicheng says. 

“Do you wanna drink?” Ten asks. Sicheng considers. Before he can answer properly, Doyoung kneels in front of him and sets the items down. He loses his balance on his knees for a moment and has to use Jaehyun as support. 

“Lean your head back,” Doyoung says. He fumbles with the lid of the whip cream.

“Hyung,” Sicheng whines low in his throat. “I want to die.” He leans away from Doyoung, putting his weight on his arms braced behind him.

“Is he actually doing this?” Mark asks. _“Oh my god.”_

Doyoung taps on the bottom of Sicheng’s chin. He has his legs straight out and Doyoung is kneeling next to him. He keeps a hand on Sicheng’s shoulder to stay steady and shakes the whip cream can with the other. “Lean your head back,” Doyoung repeats. Sicheng whines but does as he’s told. 

He draws a line down the side of Sicheng’s neck with the whip cream. The coldness makes him shiver. Doyoung is humming to himself as he fumbles with the cap of the chocolate syrup. He carefully draws some horizontal lines on his neck. “Hurry and get this shit off me,” Sicheng says. 

“So impatient,” Doyoung teases, slurring his words. Doyoung leans over to lick up the whip cream smelting off his skin. But Doyoung hesitates. He resituates himself, straddling Sicheng’s right leg, his own leg in between Sicheng’s. 

He starts at the lower part, to keep the dessert from getting on his shirts. Sicheng sucks in his breath harshly when Doyoung’s tongue goes across bare skin before reaching the cream. He gets up a majority of the whip cream before going back to get the rest. He has his left hand on Sicheng’s shoulder and the other snaked around to cup his head. Doyoung’s weight settles against Sicheng’s leg and he drags his teeth across the clean skin.

“What are you doing?” Sicheng complains, a blush on his cheeks. His eyes are scrunched closed and he’s biting his lower lip.

“I think Doyoung-ah has had a little too much to drink,” Yuta says. Doyoung just giggles and moves on to the other side of Sicheng’s neck.

There’s a lot of bare skin compared to the cream covered part. Sicheng is struggling not to make noises as Doyoung runs his tongue over the sensitive skin. The chocolate is stickier and sits in the pores of his skin, so Doyoung has to suck to get all the chocolate off. Sicheng’s right leg twitches up involuntarily and Doyoung’s breath hitches.

“Doyoung-ah, you’re taking too long,” Taeil complains. Doyoung giggles again. Renjun never saw him as the type to giggle, but apparently alcohol makes him bubblier.

“Sorry,” Doyoung says against Sicheng’s neck before licking off the last of it. He lightly pulls on Sicheng’s hair and kisses him one last time below the jawline. Doyoung releases Sicheng and sits in between him and Jaehyun. Sicheng rubs at his neck with a disgusted look on his face. Taeyong appears behind him with a damp cloth.

“I didn’t make a mess,” Doyoung tells Taeyong proudly. 

“Yes, thank you,” Taeyong says with an eyeroll. He takes the whip cream and chocolate syrup back to the fridge. Sicheng almost rubs his neck raw with the cloth.

“Can I get disinfectant?” Sicheng asks as Doyoung stumbles back to his seat. When Taeyong comes back, he has hand sanitizer. 

“Jungwoo-yah, give me my cup drink. My drink,” Doyoung says. “I need to get the creamy taste out of, off of my mouth.”

“Just drink the water, Hyung,” Jungwoo says holding his cup further away.

“Okay,” Yuta calls. “If you don’t do it you’ll lose~”

Taeil and Jaehyun. Taeil lets out a breath like he dodged a bullet. “No kissing for me,” Taeil says sounding sure of himself.

“Actually,” Jaehyun says. Taeil’s smile falls. “I’m curious about the question you asked Mark earlier. Who here would you want to make out with? If you had to.” Taeil laughs awkwardly.

“Is there going to be a dare afterwards?” Taeil asks. Jaehyun shrugs. 

“Not from me. But if Hyung is that worried, don’t lose again.”

“Fine.” Taeil is blushing and avoiding everyone’s gaze. “Winwinnie,” Taeil whispers.

“Yo, it was supposed to be a joke when I told the interviewer you had a crush on him,” Mark says. 

“No thanks,” Sicheng says with a grimace. 

“Wait, but now I’m curious,” Yuta says leaning forward. Everyone leans away. 

“Nope. Stop that thought immediately,” Taeyong says. 

“What do I have to do to get everyone to answer a question? Like we go around and all answer it.”

“Nothing.”

“How about if I win twice?”

“No.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun.” Everyone exchanges uneasy looks.

“He’s not going to win twice,” Kun says. “He’s been losing every round.”

“Not a risk we’re taking,” Taeyong says. 

“The stakes would make it more fun,” Johnny says. Taeyong considers for a moment.

“Make it thrice,” Taeyong says. 

“Call,” Yuta says. “Also, no cop-outs.”

“Fine, whatever, just go to the next round already,” Ten says.

“If you don’t do it…”

It takes longer to play through the round because now that there must be a definite winner amongst the losers. Yuta wins and Yukhei and Johnny lose.

“Lucas-yah, what kind of porn do you usually watch?”

“Porn?” Yukhei looks between Renjun and Kun. 

_“Isn’t it…?”_ Kun trails off and looks to Renjun.

“It’s sex videos,” Renjun says. Yukhei laughs loudly.

“Hyung thinks I watch that?” Yukhei asks with a bemused smile.

“You suck dick, of course you watch porn,” Jungwoo says. 

“Also, he doesn’t delete his search history,” Kun adds.

“Why do you gotta expose him like that?” Mark asks while everyone laughs.

“Okay, okay,” Johnny says. “But what type of porn?”

“The… _what’s the word for three people?”_ Yukhei asks.

 _“Just say threesome with a Korean accent,”_ Sicheng says.

“Threesome,” Yukhei says with a Korean accent.

“Honestly,” Johnny says. “I shouldn’t even be surprised.”

“Next round,” Yuta calls. 

He wins the next one and the anxiety of the group heightens. Yuta is smiling deviously. Taeyong and Sicheng lost.

“Taeyong Hyung,” Sicheng says cutely. Taeyong looks semi-relaxed. He offers a weak smile to Sicheng. But Sicheng looks confused and turns to Renjun. _“What’s the word for drinking alcohol from someone’s mouth?”_

“What?” Kun asks blinking wildly.

 _“I don’t know,”_ Yukhei says. _“Are you going to make Taeyong-ge do that?”_ Lucas laughs and Renjun just shrugs when Sicheng looks at him.  
_“Just describe it,”_ Kun says.

“Okay.” Sicheng turns back to Taeyong. “Hyung, take a shot, but then have someone else drink it.” Of course, Taeyong looks disgusted. 

“Like spit it out?” Taeyong asks uncertain.

“He means like kiss,” Doyoung says. Taeyong’s cheeks go red. 

“Wow. Winwin Hyung is just as disgusting as Yuta Hyung,” Mark says.

“It’ll be funny though,” Jaehyun says. “Because it's Taeyong Hyung.” He’s staring at the shot glasses in front of him. 

“Yeah, we know Taeyonggie can’t take the penalty,” Yuta teases. “He’d get drunk from only one shot—not even the double.”

“Shut up,” Taeyong mutters. There’s a moment of silence before he speaks again, a small voice asking, “With who?”

“Whoever you want,” Sicheng says like he isn’t interested. Taeyong bites his lip. Renjun wonders who he will choose. It would have to be someone he’s close to, close enough to be okay sharing germs like that, but also someone who would be open to it since Taeyong doesn’t advocate causing his members distress.

“Renjun,” Taeyong says quietly. 

“M-me?” Renjun was so lost in thought he wasn’t sure he heard correctly. Taeyong nods his head.

“Unexpected,” Johnny says dramatically. “What surprise will come next? Stay tuned.” Ten rolls his eyes at him. Renjun laughs lightly with the others, but his heart is fluttering. He stands up on shaky legs and crosses Sicheng and Jaehyun to get to him. 

Taeyong pours a shot and Renjun sits still. He’s not particularly close with Taeyong and his mind races to try and figure out why he was chosen. “So, I take the shot, but hold it in my mouth and then kiss you?” Taeyong asks.

“Yes,” Renjun says. “Then I’ll drink it.” Taeyong grimaces and holds the shot glass like it’s full of bad medicine instead of alcohol. 

“Sorry Renjun-ah,” Taeyong says. Renjun shrugs and Taeyong throws back the shot. He sits up on his knees and cups Renjun’s face with his hands. Renjun lets him pull him close until their lips are touching. Taeyong tilts his head down and they both open their mouths slowly.

Taeyong’s lips are soft, but the alcohol burns Renjun’s throat. He almost gags when he tries to swallow it, but he mostly gets it down. He slides his tongue into Taeyong’s mouth to lick up the remnants. Taeyong makes a surprised noise in the back of his mouth but doesn’t pull away. One of his hands falls onto Renjun’s thigh and squeezes. 

When Renjun has swallowed away the last of the alcohol, he pulls away. Taeyong stares into his eyes intensely, breathing heavily in the warm air between them. “Did I get it all, Hyung?” Renjun asks cutely. Taeyong blinks and looks shy again. He sits back down and releases Renjun.

“Yeah,” Taeyong says. Renjun goes back to his seat. 

“I can’t believe Taeyong shared a shot with someone without throwing up,” Johnny says.

“The contamination thing isn’t even that bad,” Taeyong says. “I have kissed people before.”

“How many?” Jaehyun asks. He started drinking during the last round and now he’s getting bolder.

“Three,” Taeyong says after a while.

“Is that counting Renjunnie?” Doyoung asks.

“I didn’t think that would count,” Taeyong says.

“Well, Hyung’s dick certainly thinks it counts,” Jungwoo says. Taeyong looks startled and his eyes snap to his lap. There is a somewhat-noticeable bulge in his jeans.

“Good job, Renjun,” Johnny says. “Your dick raising technique is two for two tonight.”

 _“Oh my god,_ Hyung. Why?” Renjun covers his face in embarrassment. Yukhei leans against him. 

“Renjun’s… dick isn’t, though,” Yukhei says. He wants to bury his red face further in his hands. The alcohol is making him warm inside and the blush darker.

“That’s cold,” Johnny says. “Yuta, Taeyong, how does it feel to know he wasn’t nearly as impressed with your kissing as you were with his?”

“Shut up,” Taeyong says.

“Hey, it doesn’t even count,” Yuta says. “He was sitting on my lap—it’s impossibly to not get turned on like that, regardless of who it is or how they’re kissing. And Taeyonggie is inexperienced, literally probably anything will give him a boner.”

“That’s the dumbest argument I’ve ever heard,” Kun says. 

“Let’s just go to the next round,” Taeyong says.

“Wait, Taeyong Hyung,” Jungwoo says. “Why did you choose Renjun?” Taeyong opens his mouth then closes it. He must have swallowed some of the shot because the words come tumbling out.

“I thought he’d be good at it because of Yuta’s reaction.”

 _“Oh my god,”_ Ten says.

“Okay, I was not that turned on,” Yuta says. “How many times have one of us got a hard-on during dance practice? Sometimes dicks just get hard.”

“It’s hard to believe that with the situation, it wasn’t because of Lun…Renjunnie,” Doyoung says struggling with the Chinese pronunciation more than usual.

“Shut up,” Yuta whines. “My dick acted on its own.”

“Sometimes,” Johnny says sagely. “The dick knows what the heart does not.” Everybody laughs and Yuta groans in embarrassment. “And he makes a surprised reappearance,” Johnny says. Renjun cranes his neck to see better, and sure enough, Yuta’s pants show the slightest bulge.

“You’re so weird,” Yuta says. “Why does Hyung keep staring at my dick?”

“Sometimes the eyes know what the mind does not,” Jaehyun says. The group loses it.

When they calm down enough, they play another round. Yuta doesn’t win this time and they collectively relax. The losers are Jungwoo and Ten.

“Jungwoo-yah,” Ten calls. Jungwoo smiles innocently. “Are you like our Lucas? Have you given head?”

“Yeah, a lot,” Jungwoo replies easy. He shrugs. “I don’t know, I like it. Giving head is fun.”

“Did I mishear that?” Mark asks. 

“He means for girls, right?” Taeil asks. 

“Either or,” Jungwoo says with a shrug. 

_“Shiiiiiit,”_ Mark says. Johnny laughs.

“How many not-straight members do we have?” Johnny asks jokingly.

“Four definitely, possibly five,” Jungwoo says. All the laughter stops.

“Wait, what?” Taeyong asks. “Seriously?” Jungwoo plays it off like he’s confident, but it's obvious that he’s nervous. Renjun looks around and sees everyone with wide eyes. A few of them are also looking around, trying to find out who is gay and who isn’t. Renjun starts running numbers in his head.

“I mean, you do you,” Johnny says forcing out a nonchalant tone. “But, seriously?” Jungwoo nods.

“Seriously.” The mirthful atmosphere is gone.

“Who else…?” Taeil asks softly. Renjun considers if he’s just asking to hide the truth about himself, or if he really doesn’t know.

“It’s not my business to say,” Jungwoo says. He’s not leaning against Doyoung anymore and Renjun wonders if it’s because he’s worried of Doyoung’s reactions.

“I mean,” Taeyong says. He swallows nervously. “I don’t care. I’d like to know these things just to keep tabs, but it won’t change my opinions of anyone and it’s not necessary information. It’s not a problem for me.” He pauses and looks around. “Also, it’s not going to be a problem for anyone. Got it?” He used his leader voice, and everyone nods their head. “We have to respect each other. If you’re homophobic, get over that shit. Or come talk to me and we’ll sort it out, okay?”

They all silently agree. Renjun carefully checks each reaction in the tense atmosphere. Nobody seems to be against Taeyong’s manifest, but several people look uncomfortable. “Thank you, Hyung,” Jungwoo says quietly. Taeyong offers him a nod in the moment of silence.

“Well, I’m not one of them,” Taeil says.

“Stop,” Taeyong says holding up a hand. “We’re not doing this. It isn’t a witch hunt. It doesn’t matter. If that information is shared, it will be by the will of our bandmates who hold that information. But there will be no ‘us and them’. They’re our bandmates before anything else.”

“Sorry,” Taeil says shyly. “And for the record, I don’t care or anything. I just haven’t ever known someone who is… gay.” Yukhei taps Renjun on the thigh until he looks over at him.

“What?” Renjun asks.

 _“They’re talking about being gay right? How do I say I’m bi?”_ Yukhei asks. Sicheng makes a surprised noise beside him, and Kun laughs lightly. Renjun smiles with them and sees that there’s no malice in their reactions.

“What was that?” Taeyong asks sharply. The others generally don’t care if they share small exchanges in Mandarin, but Renjun can understand why the laughter in this moment could be taken badly. Renjun looks at Yukhei.

 _“Do you want me to say it, or write it down for you to say?”_ Renjun asks. 

_“You can say it,”_ Yukhei says. He squeezes Renjun’s knee and Renjun tries to give him a reassuring smile.

“It was nothing bad,” Renjun says to Taeyong who’s staring at them seriously. “Lucas Hyung just wanted to know how to tell everyone in Korean that he’s bi.” It’s not a word he uses commonly in Korean, but he dredges it up from his memory.

“Oh,” Taeyong says blinking rapidly from surprise. “Thank you for sharing, Xuxi.” He smiles awkwardly and Yukhei laughs. 

“And, I want to say… none of us have attracted to anyone here,” Yukhei says. It takes a moment for everyone to decode the grammar, but the message gets across.

“No latent homosexual feelings,” Jungwoo recites with an eyeroll like he always has to say that after coming out. “Skinship is skinship. Doesn’t mean anything different than if we were straight.”

“That makes two out of the confirmed four,” Doyoung says. Taeyong is about to scold him, but then Doyoung speaks again. “Which makes me three.” He looks away from the group. He sounds soberer than before, as sober as the silence that follows. “Strictly gay, by the way. Women aren’t for me.”

“Oh, cool,” Johnny says trying to sound supportive. 

“Let’s move on,” Doyoung says. “Our fourth friend definitely won’t be coming out right now, and the fifth is only probable. We aren’t sure about him yet.”

“You make it sound like you guys meet up to talk about this stuff,” Jaehyun says. Doyoung meets his eyes with a smirk.

“That’s exactly what we do. Except for the fifth. We aren’t sure, so we haven’t talked to him about it.”

“Okay, next round,” Yuta says. Renjun is a little shocked he’s speaking after being silent for so long. Maybe he’s kind of homophobic? Renjun isn’t sure, but he hopes that’s not the case. “I only have to beat you all one more time,” he teases. Despite their reluctance for that to happen, no one minds leaving the tense conversation.

“If you don’t do it you’ll lose~”

And Yuta wins. “Ha! Yes! Three wins,” he squeals joyfully, and everyone is afraid. “But first, we’ll have Jungwoo and Renjun go.”

There’s noticeable tension as they look between Jungwoo and Renjun. Renjun considers his question carefully. “Jungwoo Hyung, would it be okay to ask about the gay thing?” 

Jungwoo looks at him closely, trying to determine if he’s going to be offensive. Taeyong’s presence is thick on the other side of the circle, determined to keep things comfortable. “Go ahead, Renjun-ah.”

“How did you know?” Renjun stutters out. “Like how did you know you liked men?” Jungwoo's expression relaxes, seeing that Renjun is genuinely curious.

“Mmm, when I was in middle school—either my first or second year there—I went over to a friend’s house. I thought I just really liked him as a friend. But then he kissed me—you know, stupid stuff kids do when they’re curious—and I realized I liked him. Like, like-like. And then when white day came around I only wanted to give chocolates to him, not any of my female classmates.”

“Did he accept the chocolates?” Taeil asks sounding like he’s on the edge of his seat. Jungwoo laughs.

“Yeah. And he kissed me too.”

“That’s so sweet,” Mark says dreamily. 

“Thank you for sharing,” Renjun says. 

Most of the tension from earlier is gone. Everything ismore relaxed and welcoming. Until they collectively remember that Yuta now has way too much power.

“By the way,” Yuta says. “I was going to ask this question before the big coming out party.”

“Get on with it,” Doyoung says impatiently. 

“Remember, no passes on this,” Yuta says deviously. “Okay so, the question is… if you had to choose one of the members, who would you want to sleep with?”

“Like sex?” Jaehyun squeaks out. 

“The kids are off limits,” Taeyong says immediately. “Jeno and younger are not allowed to be mentioned.”

“Fair enough,” Doyoung says. “But should we even answer this question? Won’t it just make things awkward?”

“As long as everyone knows that our answers don’t mean anything serious,” Jungwoo says. “It should be okay.”

“Let’s start with Taeillie Hyung and go clockwise,” Yuta says. Taeil sighs.

“Fuck it. Winwin,” Taeil chooses seemingly arbitrarily. Sicheng rolls his eyes. 

Johnny seems to consider. “I’m going to have to go with a fellow foreign swagger.” All three of them tense up. _“My man, Ten.”_ Ten laughs. 

“Wow, thanks Hyung. I guess I’m going to have to reciprocate.” Ten and Johnny look at each other and laugh. Everyone else seems less nervous since those two made a joke out of it. 

“But why?” Yuta demands. Renjun thinks he gets way too much satisfaction from watching his members suffer.

“I don’t know!” Johnny says a little too defensively. “He’s a dancer… like, hips… and stuff.” He’s blushing and Ten is laughing at him.

“Dirty minded,” Kun says.

“And what about our Mark?” Yuta asks. Mark stares at the floor but sneaks glances at the others. 

“It’s easy with same-age friends,” Doyoung stage-whispers when too much times has passed. The drunk giggling is back. 

“Okay.” Mark looks up confidently and meets Yukhei’s eyes across the circle. “Lucas.”

Yukhei finds it hilarious. He’s laughing loudly and clapping his hands together. “Reasoning,” Yuta demands. 

“Um,” Mark says searching for a reason. “I don’t know. Lucas is fun? He would probably make it fun.”

“Sex is more fun if you’re able to laugh during it,” Doyoung says. 

“Wait, has Hyung had sex before?” Jaehyun asks in shock. 

“The average age for losing virginity is generally lower for the gays,” Doyoung responds. He looks at his empty bottle. “Jungwoo-ah, can get you—you get your Hyung more water?” Jungwoo nods and heads off to the kitchen.

“Taeyong-ah,” Yuta calls. The leader sighs.

“I feel like he would choose someone he could take care of during sex,” Kun says. Renjun starts running through the possibilities. _Sicheng, Mark, Jungwoo, Yukhei, Renjun…_

“Doyoung-ah,” Taeyong answers. Renjun is a little shocked. He’s seen those two tease each other relentlessly and he agreed with what Kun said. That choice doesn’t make sense. Doyoung looks surprised too, blushing and trying to hide a smile. 

“Why?” Yuta asks.

“He has experience,” Taeyong says with his own red cheeks. “I haven’t, you know, done more than kissing. Doyoung would know what to do, how to take care of me.”

“Jaehyun-ah?”

“Umm, Taeil Hyung?” He laughs to himself. “He seems like he would be gentle, like he would take care of me well.”

“Is our Taeil Hyung gentle during sex?” Yuta asks Taeil. He shrugs and smiles shyly.

“I haven’t had sex before. I mean, I guess so, but I don’t know.”

“Didn’t Jaehyunnie say he wanted people to watch, though?” Doyoung asks. “Who would you want to watch you having sex with Taeil Hyung?”

Jaehyun looks at the ceiling, his ears red. Everyone is laughing, but there’s the anxious question. Who is he going to choose?

“The other Hyungs,” Jaehyun says vaguely. “I think it’s that feeling of being cared for.”

“I’m sorry, Jaehyun,” Johnny says. “But I’ll have to turn down the offer.” Jaehyun laughs awkwardly.

“No, please, don’t take the offer,” Jaehyun says.

“Now who will our popular Winwin choose?” Yuta asks. 

“Kun-ge,” Sicheng answers immediately. “That way I don’t have to worry about Korean.”

“Ah, so our sweet Winwin talks dirty in bed?” Ten asks. Sicheng shrugs and wiggles his eyebrows.

“You’re embarrassing,” Kun says with an eyeroll.

“What about our Renjunnie?” Doyoung asks. Jungwoo is leaning on him again, still holding the alcohol far from him. 

“I don’t know,” Renjun says. 

He was worrying over this question since Yuta asked it. He did briefly think of Jeno, but he agrees with Taeyong about not sexualizing minors, even though Jeno is only a minor for another few weeks. He looks around the circle unsure. Six years feels like one too many years for an age difference. Jaehyun and Mark feel too awkward, and he isn’t sure of someone too experienced. He considers the other Chinese members, but it doesn’t feel right. Renjun looks around one more time before deciding on the member who has been the most interesting tonight. He puts on a confident smile and greasily says, “Yuta Hyung.”

“Oh, shit,” Johnny says. “Maybe he was impressed with your kissing.”

“Shut up,” Yuta whines. He’s embarrassed and Renjun can’t help laughing. He vaguely notices how Yuta’s arms are crossed over his waist, hiding anything incriminating.

“He can’t take what he gives,” Jaehyun jokes. 

“Whatever,” Yuta says dismissively. “What about Xuxi?”

“I’d pick Johnny Hyung,” Yukhei says. 

“It’s good to know I’m wanted,” Johnny says dramatically. 

“He seems like he’d be really aggressive,” Yukhei says. He was thinking through that sentence since he made his decision, so it comes out clearly.

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not,” Johnny says. He winks at Yukhei greasily and everyone laughs. 

“Honestly, we shouldn’t be surprised that Lucas likes to get bossed around in bed,” Ten says. Renjun expects Yukhei to defend himself, but he just laughs.

“Kun is up next,” Yuta says.

“Um, Doyoung,” Kun says. “Same reasoning as Taeyonggie Hyung.”

“Wait, how far have you gone with someone?” Johnny asks. Kun shrugs.

“All over the clothes stuff.”

“What about our Jungwoo-ie?” Yuta asks. “Who would you choose?”

“Jaehyunnie Hyung. Because he has a big dick,” Jungwoo replies innocently.

“I mean, he does,” Ten agrees a moment. Jaehyun is covering his face as everyone voices agreement. They’ve changed in front of each other enough to know who has the biggest dick. Also, they definitely have not measured to get a proper ranking. Definitely not.

“Is that your only determinate?” Johnny asks. “Dick size?”

“Well, I’m assuming the situation would just be a one-time thing and purely based on the physical aspect,” Jungwoo says. “And I like to choke when I give head. Makes it more fun. Plus, Jaehyun Hyung is the type to do things outside of his comfort zone to make others happy. So, it would be a lot of fun.”

“Okay, we’re going to end the reasoning there before it gets more graphic,” Yuta says. “Last but not least, Doyounggie.”

“Taeyonggie Hyung,” Doyoung answers. “He’s too pretty not to pick, I wouldn't mind taking care of him. Also, he chose me so why not choose him.” He tries to wink but ends up just blinking both eyes consecutively. 

“Thanks,” Taeyong mutters.

“Next rou—” Yuta starts until Taeil cuts him off.

“What about our Yuta? Who would he sleep with?”

“Oh.” Yuta looks frazzled, like he wasn’t expecting to answer the question. He looks around the same way that Mark did. “Um. Renjun.” Renjun rolls his eyes as the others say stupid things about them.

“Why, though?” Johnny says. “Reasoning.”

“Well…he’s good at kissing. And I was curious… what else he’d be good at.” Yuta looks away embarrassed. 

“Wait, how experience does—how experienced is our Renjunnie?” Doyoung asks. Renjun shrugs.

“Kissing? Over the clothes stuff?” He shrugs again and offers his hyungs an innocent smile.

“So cute,” Yukhei coos before pinching his cheek.

“Next round,” Yuta says.

“It’s late,” Taeyong says first. “Maybe we should call it a night. Plus, I’m not sure how much longer Jungwoo-ie can keep Doyoung from drinking and getting himself sick. We do still have schedules tomorrow.”

“What time is it?” Mark asks.

“Half past midnight,” Kun says checking his phone. 

_“One more,”_ Yukhei calls in English. 

“No, let’s go to bed,” Taeyong says. “We need to sleep off the alcohol. Lucas, Jungwoo, Ten, Renjun, Kun, you’re welcome to stay here for the night.” He stands up and starts cleaning.

“I’d like to stay,” Renjun says. Renjun doesn't want to go alone or make one of his hyungs walk with him. Kun, Jungwoo, Ten, and Yukhei wave the offer off, not minding the walk back to their dorm when they have each other as company. 

“Okay. Rock paper scissors to decide whose room he’s staying in.” Taeyong disappears into the kitchen to throw away the cups and put the alcohol away. 

The 127 members lazily play until Yuta loses. “I had a streak of wins going, and now I lose,” Yuta says with a sigh. “Whatever.”

Everyone gets up and meanders to their separate rooms. Doyoung goes up to Jaehyun, his roommate, when everyone is busy and awkwardly shifts his weight. “Are you okay with…?”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun says with a smile. “It’s not any different just because I know you’re gay now. Let’s be comfortable, okay?”

“Okay,” Doyoung says sounding grateful and relieved. They walk to their room and Renjun can’t help but smile at the wholesome interaction. He goes over to Yuta.

“Who is Hyung’s roommate?” Renjun asks. He can’t quite remember.

“Mark usually,” Yuta says. He looks over to Mark who is grabbing a bag and slipping on his shoes. “But he’s going to the studio to write something. I guess it works out. You can take his bed.”

“Thank you.” He follows Yuta back to his room after calling goodnight to the others. 

They’re of similar height and build, so Yuta lets him borrow some of his clothes to sleep in. They change with their backs to each other. When he’s finished, Renjun sits cross-legged on Mark’s bed, unsure of whether they’re going to turn the lights off immediately. Something is bothering him, but he doesn’t know how to ask Yuta.

Yuta seems to be ignoring him. Silence covers the room, quiet enough to hear the sounds of the others getting ready, muffled conversations through the walls and creaky drawers opening. “Yuta Hyung,” Renjun calls before he can lose his nerves.

“Yes?” Yuta asks. He looks over his shoulder briefly before turning back, demeanor painted reluctant to talk to him. 

“You’re the fourth, right?” Renjun asks quietly. Yuta’s spine goes rigid, shoulders tight with tension as he stares at the wall.

Renjun pieced it together throughout the night. He was always suspicious of _someone_ in the group being gay. Statistically speaking, at least three of them had to be gay. He’s not sure how bisexuals fit in to that statistic, but Doyoung only accounts for one of those places. And Yuta has consistently acted in a way that seems gay to Renjun. He initiated the kissing dares and asked everyone who they would want to sleep with. And he kept getting far too embarrassed anytime someone mentioned anything about Yuta and another male. Doyoung said the fourth gay would definitely not be coming out at the moment, meaning he must have some internalized homophobia. Yuta fits all the descriptions. 

“I don’t care either way,” Renjun says. “But, I want you to know that I support you, and I won’t tell anyone else if you don’t want me to.” Yuta’s shoulders relax in defeat.

“Was I that obvious?” Yuta mutters. He turns around and Renjun is struck by the small expression on his face.

“No,” Renjun says. “I’m sure no one else noticed. I’m just…” Yuta sits on his bed across from Renjun and rubs a hand over his face.

“I was going to keep it a secret for my entire career,” Yuta says. “When I came in as a trainee, I was determined not to tell anyone or have anyone find out. But the first time I met Doyoung, we both just knew. He pulled me aside and we talked about it.

"I told him not to tell anyone. I could barely admit it to myself, let alone other people. I wouldn’t have even told Doyoung if he didn’t confront me about it. We stayed like that in secret. Then Jungwoo and Lucas joined. I think Jungwoo was the one to realize that Doyoung was gay, so that happened naturally. We said something incriminating in front of Lucas thinking he wouldn’t understand, but we underestimated his Korean. At least he was also gay. We knew he wouldn’t say anything.

“Between that, though, Doyoung started saying one of the Dream kids must be gay. We all agreed, but also knew that it wasn’t our business to mention it to him first unless we were sure.”

“Who…?” Renjun asks. His face feels flushed and his voice sounded fake. Yuta looks him dead in the eyes, letting Renjun know he can't pretend he's unaware that they both know who they're talking about. “I don’t even know, myself… whether I like men or women.”

“It could be both,” Yuta says. He sounds calmer now that Renjun is also out. “But it also doesn’t matter. There’s still time to develop as a human and figure out what you like.”

“Thanks, Hyung. Honestly, after the game… I think men are nice? I’ve kissed girls before, but it never felt like anything special. I thought that was what all kissing is like. But then I kissed you, and then Taeyong Hyung and it felt… magical.” Renjun cringes at how the last part sounded.

“My kisses are magical, huh?” Yuta says sounding self-satisfied. Renjun rolls his eyes. “But yeah. I felt the same way when I was younger.”

“So, I’m gay?” Yuta shrugs. “Am I gay if I want to kiss Hyung again?”

“You want to kiss me again?” Yuta asks surprised. Renjun isn’t sure where the courage came from, but he nods his head earnestly. Yuta has a detached expression as he stands up and crosses over to Mark’s bed.

Renjun looks up at Yuta, his heart beating fast. Yuta crawls onto the space in front of Renjun and sits on his ankles. “Are you sure?” Yuta asks quietly. “You’re not drunk, are you?”

“I had one shot,” Renjun says.

“What’s the square root of one hundred ninety-six?” Yuta asks.

“Fourteen,” he answers after a second.

“Okay, you’re sober.” Yuta leans closer but stops short of his lips. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Renjun repeats. He moves a centimeter closer until they’re breathing against each other. Yuta looks at his eyes for a moment before closing them and connecting their lips.

It’s just like Renjun remembered. Yuta’s lips are soft as they move against Renjun’s. Both of them keep their hands to themselves at first, afraid to touch each other and break the tentative bond forming. 

“Hyung,” Renjun says against his lips. He hesitantly grabs the collar of Yuta’s pajama shirt to pull him closer. One of Yuta’s hands goes to cradle Renjun’s head. Then there’s a knock on the door. 

Yuta jumps away startled and falls off the bed. They both stand up, momentarily panicking. “Yuta Hyung,” they Jaehyun calls from the other side. He knocks again. Renjun lightly pushes Yuta to the door.

Yuta walks over while Renjun pulls back the covers of Mark’s bed and pretends to be in the process of getting in bed. “What do you want?” Yuta asks opening the door.

“I think I left my laptop charger in here,” Jaehyun says. His tone doesn’t lend himself to knowing anything about what they were doing, so Renjun and Yuta relax.

“Oh yeah. It’s probably on the desk.” Jaehyun grabs his charger and leaves.

“Goodnight, Hyung. Goodnight, Injoon-ah.”

“Goodnight,” Renjun calls back sitting on the exposed sheets of the bed. Yuta closes the door behind Jaehyun and looks back at Renjun. His expression is hard to read and Renjun tilts his head to the side in confusion.

“You’re eighteen,” Yuta says in disbelief.

“And?”

“I’m twenty-two,” Yuta says. “That’s—technically there’s a five-year age difference.”

“So?” Renjun wrings his hands in his lap. Is Yuta already regretting this thing they haven’t even defined?

“I don’t know. I feel like Taeyong would throw a fit,” Yuta says.

“Well, this isn’t Taeyong Hyung’s business,” Renjun says carefully. He holds out a hand. “Hyung, come here.” Yuta obliges and lets Renjun pull him onto the bed.

“I just want to kiss you,” Renjun says. “I’m not asking for you to date me, if you don’t want to.”

“Dating would be complicated given our situations,” Yuta says. Renjun nods in agreement.

“We’re idols. There isn’t enough time for that.”

“Exactly. But… if you want to occasionally, you know, kiss,” Yuta says taking his hands in his. “Then I’m okay with that.”

“I would love that.”

“So I can kiss you again?” Renjun nods eagerly and gives Yuta a chaste kiss.

“Anytime,” Renjun says. “Do you kiss Doyoung Hyung or the others?” Yuta shakes his head.

“What? No, I’ve never wanted to kiss them.”

“But Hyung wants to kiss me?”

“Yeah. Anytime. You’re a good kisser.” Renjun laughs quietly. 

“So are you.” 

“So…?” Yuta trails off and raises and eyebrow. Renjun kisses him again. It’s short and sweet. He ends the kiss right after running his tongue over Yuta’s lips. “Such a tease,” Yuta whines.

“You know,” Renjun says with a fake tone. “Being in a new room for sleeping is scary. Normally when we go on trips and stay in hotels I have to share a bed with someone. Would Hyung mind keeping me company tonight?” Yuta rolls his eyes.

“You’re so obvious. Sure.” They maneuver themselves under the covers and face each other on their sides. Yuta reaches to turn off the lamp and darkness engulfs them.

“Hyung,” Renjun whispers. “Can I kiss you again?”

“You don’t have to ask.” Renjun scoots closer until he can see the vague outlines of Yuta’s face. He puts a hand on his cheek and leans in to kiss him.

It’s almost lazy. Renjun wants to moan from the feeling, but he’ll keep Yuta from having the satisfaction for now. He runs a hand across Yuta’s ribs and slides his tongue in his mouth. Yuta wraps an arm around to touch the small of his back and pull his body flush against his. 

“Renjun-ah,” Yuta says pulling away barely. “Just kissing, right?”

“Just kissing,” Renjun says. “And maybe anything over clothes?”

“Most things over clothes,” Yuta corrects. Renjun agrees and they go back to kissing.

Eventually fatigue and reasoning overcome the desire to kiss and they fall apart. “I never thought,” Yuta says in the dark. “That I would be able to kiss someone again so soon. Especially not someone I like.”

“What kind of like?” Renjn asks. He has a pinky hooked around one of Yuta’s.

“Like… more than platonic. But not like love.”

“Same.” Renjun soaks up the silence and pure affection from Yuta. “We should go to bed. There will be opportunities to kiss later.”

“Why are you so wise?” Yuta grumbles.

“Shh, go to bed, Hyung.”

“Today,” Yuta starts dramatically. “I lost three times. But I still feel like a winner.”

“Hyung, all due respect, but if you say something else I’ll hit you.”

“Kinky.”

Renjun wonders if the sound of him slapping Yuta’s thigh could be heard through the walls. He is pretty sure they heard Yuta cursing, though. But they definitely didn’t hear the apology kiss Renjun gave him afterwards.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello wonderful people. If you are returning to this, perhaps you noticed I edited a couple things. Nothing major (just tightening prose and fixing errors), except for a few sentences that were added to an exchange. Why did I do this?  
> Because this mess has turned into a **series**. It’s all finished, but it will be posted with a couple of days in between each of the three parts succeeding this (because life is busy and I suck at HTML).  
>  Hopefully you’ll read the other parts because I actually like all three of them better than “If You Don’t” (except for maybe the fourth part, it makes me angry). But _if you don’t_ (haha I’m dumb), I won’t be mad.
> 
> Part two will be posted on: September 27 around noon KST


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